Freak Out in the 1st Degree

My life as I know it is almost over. Seriously. I know that sounds super-weird and ominous, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to not see life through that lens.

I graduate from NYU in 2 weeks. Two. Weeks. Literally, this seems like one of the biggest things in my life. I have been in school ever since I can remember and I don't think I ever realized that one day I would be done. I am burnt out and ready to not really ever have homework again or grades or so on...but school is still a comfort to me. While I'm in school, I'm not completely grown up, I guess. I don't have to worry as much about money because my parents are supporting me; I don't really have to worry as much about how much I get paid at my job because my parents are supporting me; I don't have to worry about having enough money for food and rent and all that because my parents are supporting me. That's all going to end in about a month though, and I'm freaking out. Budgeting is not a word that usually comes to my mind.

I also don't have a full-time job yet. I've been sending out resumes and going on interviews and meeting with contacts and going to the Career Center and pretty much everything you're supposed to do in this situation, but nothing has come to fruition yet. I know I'm going to eventually be okay and that I have backup plans and all that, but it's still really scary. I don't like the uncertainty. In my group of friends, I have always been the one with the "Great Internship" or "Great Job" or the "Really Busy, Successful One." Where did that all go? Why don't I feel like that now? Why do I feel like I'm prepared for absolutely nothing?

It sucks when your mind is simultaneously excited and scared. I am overjoyed to be almost done with school. Everything these last few weeks will be "the last" - the last final paper, the last exam, the last time I have to flash my ID, the last time I walk through Washington Square as a student...the list goes on and on. I am excited about the possibilities my life holds, the chances I can take, the opportunities I'll have. I have very strong drive and ambition, so I know I'll be fine eventually. But, for the time being, I'm scared out of my freakin' mind!